


Start Over

by someonestolemyshoes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, But mostly angst, Gen, Head trauma, Injury, Memory Loss, and a li'l bit of fluff, my bad - Freeform, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 06:20:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3800098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someonestolemyshoes/pseuds/someonestolemyshoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It wasn’t a particularly bad accident, as accidents go. A small fall, a little blood, swimming eyes and purpling bruises and aside from that, she’d been fine. </p>
<p>She’d been fine.   </p>
<p>Until three days later, when Levi had pushed open her bedroom door to find her lying on the cold wood paneling, blood dripping from her nose and her ears and her skin as pale as death."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Start Over

It wasn’t a particularly bad accident, as accidents go. A small fall, a little blood, swimming eyes and purpling bruises and aside from that, she’d been fine. 

She’d been  _fine_.   

Until three days later, when Levi had pushed open her bedroom door to find her lying on the cold wood paneling, blood dripping from her nose and her ears and her skin as pale as death. 

* * *

 

He had waited; waited through five pain-staking hours of surgery, of not knowing, of leg-bouncing and finger-shaking and  _worrying_. And then he’d waited again, this time by her bedside, his arms folded over his chest and his fingers aching to grip hers where they rested atop the crisp white sheets. 

He’d waited the better part of a  _day_ for her to wake up, and when she finally did… 

They’d said she’d have to learn how to walk again, to read again and write again. All things essential to her life and her work. It would take a lot of physical therapy, a lot of time and effort and patience, but she could learn again. 

The memories, they’d said, might never come back. 

Levi wouldn’t mind so much - he would tell her everything she wanted to know, all the hardships and pitfalls and the happy moments, too; the quiet, peaceful hours and the jokes and the nights under the stars - he would tell her everything, if she’d wanted to know. 

But Hange Zoe had awoken at three minutes to midnight, her head rolling on the sheets and her eyes blinking in the light, and she had not remembered him. 

She hadn’t remembered a single damn  _thing._  

She’d been scared - scared of the tiny hospital room with it’s wires and machines, scared of the pain in her head, scared of the closed door and shuttered blinds and she’d been scared of  _him_. 

They hadn’t let him back in, after that. They’d said she needed to relax, to talk with the doctor and comprehend her situation in a stress free environment. Levi had asked, and then demanded, that they tell her about the huge chunk of her life that’d fallen from her ears along with the blood and they’d said  _it’s a delicate process, we can’t drop a bomb like that just yet_. 

It was weeks later when Levi finally plucked up the courage to go back to the hospital, and when he did he found her standing at the edge of her bed with tear-tracked cheeks, a nurse on her left and a doctor on her right and her legs quaking beneath her as she tried to find the strength to stand. Levi watched them set her back on the mattress, watched her grip her head with white-knuckled hands, watched her tug at what little hair they hadn’t had to shave away and listened to a couple of hacking, frustrated sobs, and he left again. 

It took him another few weeks to try again, and this time, when he peered through her door, she was sitting cross-legged on the mattress with her tongue between her teeth and an over-sized pen held clumsily in one hand. He wrapped a knuckle on the wood and folded his arms. Hange glanced up, face warm and alight and  _alive_ , but it dropped when she saw him and the sight made his stomach ache. 

“You look like shit.” He said it on a reflex, and Hange scratched at the back of her neck and glanced over his shoulder and into the corridor. “I always say that,” he added. Hange twisted her fingers into the bed clothes and chewed on her lip. 

“I still don’t remember,” she said, and she gripped the sheets tighter, “I’m sorry. I wish I could but-” 

“-Don’t worry about it.” 

He wasn’t proud of leaving, but he did it anyway. 

* * *

 

It was coming on six months when he heard her laughter filter through his office door. He thought he was hearing things, at first, that his ears were playing cruel tricks on him, but then the door swung open and she strode in, dressed in casual pants and an old hoodie, and she dropped herself into the chair opposite his desk. 

“Morning, captain,” she said, grinning, and Levi bit the inside of his cheek to fight a smile. 

“You remember, then.” He scribbled a few more signatures onto his paperwork and Hange said, “No.” 

He hid the falter in his hand and flipped the page. 

“Some things are coming back,” she said, “I remembered my service number yesterday, and last week I remembered how to aim the grapples on the gear.” She wedged her hands into the pocket of her hoodie and shrugged a shoulder. “I’ve got bits and pieces back.” 

“Oh? Good.” 

Levi turned back to the first page and began tracing over each signature again. 

“I remembered the way to your office, too,” she said brightly. “Erwin walked me here in case I got lost but-” 

“-you remember much of Erwin?” 

Hange sighed and fidgeted in the pocket of her hoodie. 

“A little,” she said. “from before he and his eyebrows made it to the big time.” 

_Before me_ , Levi thought, straightening his documents and taking a sip of his now-cold tea. It shouldn’t have bothered him - it wasn’t her fault and he  _knew_  that - but it made his chest pull tight to think that there was none of _him_  in her head anymore. 

“How’s therapy?” asked Levi when the silence dragged on for too long. Hange grinned. 

“Pretty good,” she said. “I’m still a little clumsy on my feet and my handwriting isn’t great, but I’m getting there.”

“Your handwriting has always been shit.” Hange’s smile widened. 

“Erwin said you’d say that.” 

Levi hummed. It was an uncomfortable feeling, not knowing where to put himself with her. It’d been a long time - years, in fact - since he’d felt so on edge in her company. She’d been the one person he could relax around for what felt like a lifetime, now. She’d been his colleague and companion and friend and- and what? 

It didn’t matter anyway, she was nothing now, and the thought hit him hard enough to curl his lip, and he had to bite his tongue to stop himself from telling her to leave. He didn’t  _want_  her to go, he never wanted her to go, but what was the point? 

“Anyway,” Hange said, her voice a little shaky and a prickle of nervousness shining in her eyes, “I just wanted to stop by and thank you, while I was here.” 

“Oh?” Levi lifted a brow. 

“Yeah,” she said, “for the books and stuff. They helped a tonne while I was trying to get back into the swing of reading. And for dropping my research papers at the hospital, too. They’re helping bring some things back. It  _was_ you, wasn’t it?” 

Levi nodded, twisted his tea cup on the desk and said, “How’d you know?” 

Hange shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know,” she said, and she pulled her knees to her chest and dropped her chin onto them. “Lucky guess, I suppose.” 

“Lucky,” he said quietly. Hange let out a quiet, shaky laugh and pressed her face into her legs, shaking her head. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I’ve  _tried_  to remember, Levi, but I just…” 

“It’s fine,” Levi said, a little shortly, and Hange lifted her head and rubbed the back of her hand under her nose. 

“It’s not fine. You have all these-all these memories of us and I have  _nothing_. I-” she paused, bit her lip and said, “I _feel_  nothing.” 

Levi blinked, something heavy and hollow settling in his gut. Hange wiped at her eyes and swallowed thickly. 

“I want to feel whatever the hell I used to feel.” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat to continue. “But I’m just… _sad,_ when I think about it. I know we were friends or-or more but when I try and think it over there’s just _nothing_.” 

“Okay.” 

Hange eyed him over the desk, then stood. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Stop apologising.” 

And she left, without another word. Levi let his shoulders slump. He’d had months to get used to the idea that she’d lost all her memories of them, and he had - for the most part, at least - come to terms with it. But the idea of a Hange that felt nothing for him, no sense of camaraderie or friendship or…or whatever else they’d had. 

He’d never even considered the possibility. 

The room was too dirty. Levi kicked back out of his chair and grabbed the few supplies he kept in his desk draw, and set to cleaning. 

Starting with the guest chair. 

His fingers were bleeding by the time the office door opened. He’d scrubbed and scrubbed but he couldn’t get the chair clean of her; it still smelled like her, and the memories wouldn’t  _leave_  and for the first time since the stupid, pathetic accident that got them into this mess Levi wished he could forget everything, too. 

“Levi.” 

Levi ignored Erwin, continued dragging the brush over the chair. He sloshed water from the bucket over the floor and onto his own knees and the bleach made his fingers sting but he wouldn’t stop,  _couldn’t_  stop until every memory of her had been washed away. 

Starting with the  _damn_  chair. 

Erwin pulled the brush from his fingers and Levi slumped back on his heels. 

“She doesn’t remember,” he said, and Erwin said  _I know_. “She doesn’t remember  _anything_.” 

He gritted his teeth and looked out through the open window. 

“She said you might be upset.” 

“I’m busy,” Levi said. His eyes stung and his chest ached and he wanted Erwin to leave. He wanted to be left alone. 

“You’re bleeding.” 

“I’m  _busy_.” 

Erwin sighed, and Levi heard his boots click their way back towards the door. 

“She’s trying,” Erwin said. “She knows you two were close, and the last thing she wants to do is hurt you.” 

Levi didn’t say another word, and after a minute the office door slipped closed.

* * *

 

It was a new moon, the sky huge and black and full of stars as Levi settled himself atop the wall, let his legs dangle over the edge - bait for the waiting mouths below - and eased himself onto his back. It was still incredible, still as vast and expansive and never-ending as it’d always been, but it wasn’t quite as beautiful as it used to be. He scraped his nails over the stone and remembered the times it’d been Hange’s hand there instead. 

“It’s amazing, isn’t it? I’ll never get tired of looking at it.” 

Levi tipped his head back, his hair catching on the rough, loose stones as he eyed his company. She flopped down beside him and leaned back on her elbows. 

“What’re you doing here?” Hange shrugged a shoulder and dropped onto her back. She crossed her hands over her stomach and stared up at the stars, and Levi let his head fall to one side to look at her. 

“Erwin said you’d be here.” 

“Right,” Levi said, turning back to the sky. “Of course.” 

Hange sighed, then chuckled out a laugh and squinted an eye closed. She raised an arm, traced patters in the stars with the tip of her finger and Levi watched the smile grow on her face from the corner of his eye. 

“I don’t remember shit,” she said, and dropped her arm over her forehead. “I don’t remember this, and I don’t remember forcing you to pull pranks on Erwin with me, and I don’t remember sneaking into your room to make out at night but Erwin says we did  _all_ of those things.” 

“That’s not why you snuck in,” Levi said, letting his eyes slip closed. “You had nightmares. You struggled to sleep a lot and so do I. We just kept each other company at first.” 

“And the making out came later?” 

The corner of Levi’s lip tugged up in a small smile. 

“The making out came later.” 

“Nice,” Hange said. Levi blinked open an eye and glanced at her to see her grinning at him. She turned to look back at the sky and said, “I don’t remember. And I appreciate that must royally suck for you, even more than it does for me.” 

Levi grunted. 

“But we can always start over. We were friends before, we can be friends again.” 

Levi sat up and turned to face her, and Hange followed suit. She eyed him for a moment, then stuck out a hand and said, “I’m Squad Leader Hange Zoe. I’m a member of the Survey Corps under Commander Erwin Smith, I specialize in titan research and I can’t remember the better half of the last ten years.” 

Levi stared at her. 

“Levi,” he said, “Captain under Commander Erwin Smith, I specialize in titan killing and I don’t wanna shake your grubby little hands. You’re filthy.” 

Hange eyed the mud on her hands and the dirt under her nails and grinned. 

“I’ll wash ‘em later just for you, clean-freak.” 

Levi’s chest panged at the familiar name and he nodded and laid back down, one arm folded under his head. 

“Good, now shut it, four-eyes. I came up here for a little peace and quiet.” 

Hange laid down beside him and sighed, long and heavy, and after a minute or two Levi twisted his neck to look over at her. Her eyes were closed behind her glasses, and the patch of hair they’d shaved all those months ago was growing in long and thick at the side of her head. Levi traced his eyes over her profile and settled on the wide, contented smile pulling at her lips. 

He’d lost five years of his life with her to a small fall, a little blood, swimming eyes and purpling bruises but lying beside her atop the wall, the promise of a new beginning fresh in the air, Levi thinks things might just be fine after all.  

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading - if you enjoyed, or if you have any prompts or requests or anything or if you just want to, give me a follow on tumblr @ someone-stole-my-shoes and hit me up. Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you thought, yeah?


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